The Poetry Form: Faiku

FAIKU (fi KU is the Japanese pronunciation, in Engish fa KU) The faiku is a short poetry form, I discovered when doing research on ancient Japanese poetic forms in a coffee shop.  A mysterious man that looked oddly like Jim Belushi flipping off police officers driving by the coffee shop, requested that I review an ancient Japanese scroll that he had found in some old trunks from his mission.  I asked if it was a mission for the Mormons or the Jehovah Witnesses (covering my bases) and he said no.  I asked him what kind of mission then and he asked me in some Zen Buddhist koan -- Did you see the Blues Brothers?   This confused me.  "What do you mean?"  I asked, but somehow he  was gone.  

All I was left with was a Japanese wall hanging.  The Kanji were nearly unintelligible.  Bad calligraphy and weepy watercolor drawings of bamboos and cranes bordered the side.  I enlisted the aid of a Japanese professor at the local university.  A reproduction of the wall hanging is attached in the appendix.  The translation is as follows:

Buddha bestowed upon poets the great gift of the Faiku.

True faiku resembles an ascension and descension of Mt. Fuji.

5 steps

7 more steps

11 long steps to the top

7 steps down

5 steps

By climbing Fuji-san with your words you will discover the true nature of the human dilemma and the first noble truth  -- All life is suffering.  A true faiku takes you up and down Fuji and reveals that man is truly fucked.

To accommodate Twitter, the faiku can be modified to a smaller version of

3 steps

5 more steps

7 long steps to the top

5 more steps

3 steps

The remaining portions of the manuscript were unintelligible, but seemed to suggest other poetry forms for the other three noble truths.

In reviewing other Japanese poetic forms, I found that all Japanese forms -- haiku, tanka, senryu, etc. -- when incorporated into English have not always followed the strict syllabic format.  I'm sure this will give rise to conflicting schools of faiku-ians, those who stick to the traditional 5-7-11-7-5 format and those who are more concerned that the form actually resembles Mt. Fuji and capture the fact that all life is suffering.  

While Basho was the first great haiku poet in Japan, the back side of the wall hanging had a map of a Buddhist temple in the Okiyama mountain district.  An expedition to the shinden (temple) found a lost manuscript of faikus hidden under the statute of the Jolly Buddha.  Apparently the great faiku poet of ancient Japan was the randy poet by the name of Ahso.

The following are the poems translated from Ahso for the first time in print.

I lost my honor

To a Tokyo geisha girl

She tore out my heart, my cock, took all my yen

I must do hara kiri

real pain in my gut

Her T-shirt Stretched

Tight Encapsulating breasts

"Foxy Light" written On Boobs I cannot touch

Or I would be arrested

My straying hands cuffed

The autumn leaves fall

Yellow, brown, red and golden

I hung her body in the swing, her legs spread

Going down to the wet earth

Tongue and leaves decay

Terra Firma
Latin for the Earth

Strip Club for How Tera feels

Both ground me

In unreality.

Gender Bias In Fucking

Source

I purposefully included both genders of congress people.  The penetrator is also usually viewed as the self-gratifying perpetrator and the recipient is usually viewed as the victim.  Penetration being a primarily male act, this does not mean that a woman can't strap one on and give it to the guy up the ass, so both male and female members of Congress have the ability to fuck you -- the Orgy does not have Gender Bias, it is an equal opportunity fuck-ee and fuck-or arrangement.

The Male

You are male.  (Ok, that was a joke and probably a wee bit sexist, since I know there are women who want to fuck the world too.)  You are however, an epic, lyrical lover.

The Simply Illogical

You are not logical.  This test can’t trust your answers.  You can’t fuck the world with your lover and not fuck the world, you should have included 2 as true. (But nice try at trying to placate your lover.)

The Insane or The Illogical

You are not logical.  This test can’t trust your answers. Go back and try again.  Your lover (presumably) is in the world.  If your lover is not, you are insane.

The Logicial Libertine

This is a logically consistent position.  You are not only the libertine, but you are logical.  If you want to fuck the world, you also want to fuck your lover who is in the world.  Aristotle would have been proud of your logic.

The Importance of Prepositions

You are probably either a true sadist, a true voyeur or both, although you may just be an insecure libertine.  The confusion lies in the preposition “with”.  

If you are using “with” as in the meaning of “I want to fuck the world with a dildo”,  you are either sadistic, voyeuristic or both for wanting to use your lover to fuck the world.  

If you are using “with” to mean together with, then you are probably a bit insecure and don’t want to go out and fuck the world all by yourself.