Plagiarism

It isn't plagiarism if you put it in a footnote.

We're all mad here. -The Cheshire Cat

"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it." -The Duchess

Curiouser and curiouser! -Alice

Lost Girls

Lest you think I'm a sick fuck by equating Alice in Wonderland with the wonderland of sex, I got the idea from Alan Moore and Melinda Gebble.  They even threw in Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz and Wendy from Peter Pan.  On the other hand, I do own the book . . .

Fair and Balanced

I really don't think Fox News perceives itself as equally liking cock and pussy at the orgy -- which isn't particularly fair and balanced.

The Joys of Self-Deprivation

5 to 1. Ok, I’m not sure exactly what the ratio should be, but anything above 5 is a good number. To be a true contributor to the American Orgy, you should give your partner at least 5 orgasms to your 1 – at least for those of us who are into self-deprivation.


Slamming her from behind, watching the ass absorb the impact and feeling the shudders and contractions may seem like total self-indulgence, but put the focus on the person you are penetrating and her cunt contracting on your cock and watch her crash on the beach of pleasure and let the waves wash over her – the only thing missing is the sand, which is a good thing where sex is concerned.

Or long stints of licking, until the neck aches and the sides of your tongue feel like needles are sticking in them, but you suck in all the juice, bask in the aroma and feel the legs quiver.

5 to 1. You just have to hold off and deprive yourself as the number climbs.

Now, Camus and others have spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life in terms of the ultimate self-deprivation – suicide. I’m going to take the flip side of the argument, kind of flip her over and take her missionary, instead of doggy style. The meaning of life isn’t in suicide, but in spreading the pleasure around. Too many in America are worried about themselves and not how much pleasure they give. The news today said that 2 million Americans made suicide plans in the last year. I truly believe those folks haven’t thought much about 5 to 1.

If you are worried about how to give your partner 5 orgasms to every one you get, who has time for suicide? Besides when you finally do come, in a little way, you are gone. La petite mort, as the French say.

For the Self-Indulgent

If you are into self-indulgence there is a spot for you at the American Orgy as well – someone has to be the recipient of the 5 or more orgasms.

Political Correctness and Gender and Sexual Attraction Equality

You can fuck guys from behind too.  Women can penetrate other women or men with strap-ons or dildos.  I happen to be male heterosexual, so I write from a male heterosexual perspective, but in order to be politically correct and to avoid cries of sexism or homophobia, I acknowledge that you can slam him from behind and watch his butt wiggle or two females can do it doggy style with a little help from latex.  These are all valid positions to take, both politically and sexually.

Please everyone -- feel free to fuck away.

MacDuff

"Macduff was from his mother's womb



Untimely ripped."


- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.7
 
Macbeth was told that no man born of woman could kill him, so it was with some displeasure that he discovered Macduff's C-Section birth.  You make one mistake about your invincibility and your head is dancing on a pike.

Mixed Metaphors

Yes, I know I mixed my fucking metaphor.  I went from a ride metaphor to a baseball metaphor, but I did it anyway.  So sue me, Grammar Girl -- or maybe just give me one of your "Quick and Dirty Tips" and I'll give it a good long hard ride, before I knock it out of the park.

Imagination

I know, I know -- three hot sexy people as your government is a bit of a stretch, but use your imagination.

Spreading the link love like a sexually transmitted disease.  (Giving credit for the picture.)

Hereinafter Referred To As Bad Photo Shop (Even Worse than Mine)

The Judicial Branch likes to talk in long syllables, it is so lawyers can charge lots of money.  If we knew what they were saying, they'd never get away with charging us $450 an hour.  (Doctors do this too.)  The picture of Sarah Palin is meant for irony, since she can't talk in long syllables and I'm not sure she knows what the judicial branch of the government does since her head appears to be simply pasted on her body.