Friday, November 20, 2009

Sexy and Pro-War



Having been an impressionable youth in the 1960s,  I always equated free love and sex to peace.  Not much of a stretch.

As I've spent some time perusing some ostensibly pro-sex related blogs, I've found conservative political sentiments expressed that seem right of Sean Hannity.  I've also found this in real life -- sex and peace no longer reside on the same idealogical spectrum.  I don't get it.  Stop thinking with your dick and cunt and use your brains.

And WTF?  Japanese Anime Version of America? 

Monday, November 16, 2009

Charming and Ugly Old Mothers

You Mother Fucker. 

I can't believe you clicked on the link.  Have you no pride?  So what did you want?  Hot mammas or a mother to curdle your milk?

At least I sent you somewhere safe -- my footnote blog.  I could have sent you into pop-up, virus hell.  I must tell you it was a struggle to find something to post.  I wanted to not false advertise -- hideous was easy, but Charming Older Mothers was tough to find.

Since we both went to all that work, here you go:




For my older woman, Nina Hartley, I have a friend of mine that wants her bad.



And as for ugly, I picked a mask, because no one wants to think of mothers as ugly really.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Safe Unsafe Sex and Set Theory



All 8 of the individuals in the diagram may have safe sex with each other if none of them are diseased or fertile.  Now, you can't leave the set, but any one of the eight could fuck anyother one and no one would get sick or pregnant.

Now, if we don't know about 1,3 and 6's disease and fertility status, 2,4,5, 7 and 8 can still fuck with impunity.  This is fourth grade set theory applied to determining to whom you can fluid bond.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Foley and Page

I know, it is old news, but the guy looks like a page-fucker -- at least a cyber-page fucker.



The Wikipedia site has all kinds of salacious links at the bottom -- or is Foley a top?

Maybe some of his chat with the page will help -- Maf54 = Mark A Foley, born 1954 -- all the Xxxxxxx's are the page.

Maf54 (7:48:00 P.M.): did you spank it this weekend yourself
Xxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): no
Xxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): been too tired and too busy
Maf54 (7:48:00 P.M.): wow. . .
Maf54 (7:48:00 P.M.):i am never to [sic] busy haha

Nope, can't tell if he's a top or a bottom, just doesn't know the difference between "too" and "to" and apparently has no capability of hitting a shift key while typing with one hand.

Fucked-tion

I know it is hard to believe -- I made this word up.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Compensation Packages

I'm not sure what needing huge compensation packages says about most CEO's but I have my suspicions.


Sports cars are classic compensation mechanisms for speed and distance.
And we all know that big trucks are a compensation for size and girth (and masculinity if you have to strap on truck nutz).



As for me?  Well let's just say that Ulysses S. Wanker drives . . .




a Toyota Prius.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Plagiarism

It isn't plagiarism if you put it in a footnote.

We're all mad here. -The Cheshire Cat

"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it." -The Duchess

Curiouser and curiouser! -Alice

Lost Girls



Lest you think I'm a sick fuck by equating Alice in Wonderland with the wonderland of sex, I got the idea from Alan Moore and Melinda Gebble.  They even threw in Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz and Wendy from Peter Pan.  On the other hand, I do own the book . . .


Fair and Balanced



I really don't think Fox News perceives itself as equally liking cock and pussy at the orgy -- which isn't particularly fair and balanced.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Joys of Self-Deprivation

5 to 1. Ok, I’m not sure exactly what the ratio should be, but anything above 5 is a good number. To be a true contributor to the American Orgy, you should give your partner at least 5 orgasms to your 1 – at least for those of us who are into self-deprivation.


Slamming her from behind, watching the ass absorb the impact and feeling the shudders and contractions may seem like total self-indulgence, but put the focus on the person you are penetrating and her cunt contracting on your cock and watch her crash on the beach of pleasure and let the waves wash over her – the only thing missing is the sand, which is a good thing where sex is concerned.

Or long stints of licking, until the neck aches and the sides of your tongue feel like needles are sticking in them, but you suck in all the juice, bask in the aroma and feel the legs quiver.

5 to 1. You just have to hold off and deprive yourself as the number climbs.

Now, Camus and others have spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life in terms of the ultimate self-deprivation – suicide. I’m going to take the flip side of the argument, kind of flip her over and take her missionary, instead of doggy style. The meaning of life isn’t in suicide, but in spreading the pleasure around. Too many in America are worried about themselves and not how much pleasure they give. The news today said that 2 million Americans made suicide plans in the last year. I truly believe those folks haven’t thought much about 5 to 1.

If you are worried about how to give your partner 5 orgasms to every one you get, who has time for suicide? Besides when you finally do come, in a little way, you are gone. La petite mort, as the French say.

For the Self-Indulgent

If you are into self-indulgence there is a spot for you at the American Orgy as well – someone has to be the recipient of the 5 or more orgasms.

Political Correctness and Gender and Sexual Attraction Equality

You can fuck guys from behind too.  Women can penetrate other women or men with strap-ons or dildos.  I happen to be male heterosexual, so I write from a male heterosexual perspective, but in order to be politically correct and to avoid cries of sexism or homophobia, I acknowledge that you can slam him from behind and watch his butt wiggle or two females can do it doggy style with a little help from latex.  These are all valid positions to take, both politically and sexually.

Please everyone -- feel free to fuck away.

Monday, September 7, 2009

MacDuff


"Macduff was from his mother's womb



Untimely ripped."


- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.7
 
Macbeth was told that no man born of woman could kill him, so it was with some displeasure that he discovered Macduff's C-Section birth.  You make one mistake about your invincibility and your head is dancing on a pike.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Mixed Metaphors

Yes, I know I mixed my fucking metaphor.  I went from a ride metaphor to a baseball metaphor, but I did it anyway.  So sue me, Grammar Girl -- or maybe just give me one of your "Quick and Dirty Tips" and I'll give it a good long hard ride, before I knock it out of the park.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Imagination

I know, I know -- three hot sexy people as your government is a bit of a stretch, but use your imagination.



Spreading the link love like a sexually transmitted disease.  (Giving credit for the picture.)

Hereinafter Referred To As Bad Photo Shop (Even Worse than Mine)

The Judicial Branch likes to talk in long syllables, it is so lawyers can charge lots of money.  If we knew what they were saying, they'd never get away with charging us $450 an hour.  (Doctors do this too.)  The picture of Sarah Palin is meant for irony, since she can't talk in long syllables and I'm not sure she knows what the judicial branch of the government does since her head appears to be simply pasted on her body.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Hamlet


In case you didn't take any Shakespeare -- this is pure plagarism from Hamlet, Act I, Scene IV.  The donkphants have a very biopic view of solutions to problems and need to stretch their imagination a bit, even if it takes the words of a  fictitious Danish Prince written by a guy that's been dead for four hundred years.  Doubt it will help.  Kind of an all around skull fuck.

Henry Miller

The Air Conditioned Nightmare is a nod to the 20th Century's greatest American Writer, Henry Miller.  Miller personifies the ideals of The American Orgy even though most of his orgies were in France.  At least he wrote about them in English.