Pirate Ship

By pirate ship, I'm sure the first thing that popped into your head was this kind of Pirate ship, based on the top selling/renting porn movie of 2010:

Now, this would be too fine a fate for our Arizona politicians -- to be tied up and fucked by porn starlets.  But if you understood my Hamlet reference, you would understand that the value of the pirate ship is that it is what Hamlet escaped on, leaving Rosencrantz and Guildenstern on the boat bound for England with orders that their heads be lopped off.

So in requesting a pirate ship, I was asking that the rest of the country be captured by porn starlets while Arizona is shipped off to England to be executed.

Just wanted to clarify that point.

Hamlet Quotes

I realized that most people don't have a clue about Hamlet (he is the guy, usually in a cape toting Yorick's skull and responsible for the "north by northwest" quote link that may have brought you here -- in Shakespeare-ese it means I'm only pretending to be crazy), yet I realized something in one of those convoluted moments that is my brain -- Shakespeare is responsible for this very footnote blog.

Compliments of Wikimedia Commons

That is right, a guy that has been dead for over 400 years is responsible for my love of footnotes, because I never knew what the fuck he was talking about and he was obviously brilliant.  The book had all these cool footnotes that let me know just what he was talking about.

Next was T.S. Eliot's Wasteland replete with footnotes explaining the depth of his biblical, mythological and literary references.

Finally, a contemporary author of my own age (alas poor Wallace, I never knew him Horatio, this author of Infinite Jest) glorified the footnote in his novel that begins with a literary knock, knock joke --

Hamlet begins:  Who's There?

Infinite Jest begins:  I am.
Footnote Fetish Blog:  I am Who?

Infinite Jest:  I am the footnote ghost of Hamlet's father.

An Contrarian

Fuck you Grammar Girl -- I know it is supposed to be "A Contrarian"  and I know the "k" sound is a consonant sound requiring the article "a" rather than "an", but I'm being contrary and can you explain to me why the fuck my spell checker says that I'm misspelling Contrarian?  Fucking contrary spell checker.

A Cost Benefit Analysis

In economic terms, the cost benefit analysis of sex in divorce situations usually plays out thusly:

Cost:  Extremely High
Benefit:  Extremely Low

Now it has been over ten years, but it is easy to see the Cost/Benefit Analysis a decade later.



The cost was so high and the benefits were so low, that it made Eliot Spitzer's (former NY state governer) hooker look like the Wal-Mart of sex --

Uhh, yeah.

Capitalization

Dear Grammar Girl,

I was wondering if you capitalize Capitalist -- or is it capitalist?  You know how much I like your quick and dirty tips.

Thanks,

U.S. Wanker

Dear Wanker,

The correct grammatical answer depends on  whether you are a fascist grammarian or a communist grammarian.  Right leaning grammarians capitalize Capitalist because Capital is just Capital and runs the Capital which is also a Capital achievement.  The leftward grammarian goes with the lower case because the only true C is the capital Communist C.  Now if we are talking about socialism, the right will be lower case and the left will be $ocialism.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that politics isn't all about grammar.

Sincerely,

Grammar Girl